My husband and I have never been able to get pertinent information regarding my stepson's school activities, sign-up forms, etc. Because his mother doesn't inform us, we've been left out of many events. When we've called the schools, they don't have any answer. I know we're not the only family in these circumstances, but there seems to be no standard school rule about providing information to noncustodial parents. We've written to our state senator and representative. What else can we do?

You're right that this is a widespread problem. One factor is that schools are reluctant to get involved in any divorce situation, because they don't know when they might be placing a child in jeopardy.

But possibly more important, school computer systems are set up to communicate with only one parent or couple. That means that sending information to a second set of parents requires either a change to the school's computer system, or a manual directive. I was incredulous when a former school administrator explained this to me, but I checked it out and it's true.

In your case, I assume the boy's mother isn't willing to assist you and your husband in pressuring the school on this issue. If your husband's divorce decree makes any reference to the father's continuing involvement in his son's education, then he could submit this section of the agreement, and his demands, to the school. He can step up the pressure by referring the issue to his attorney.

As you've said, you're not the only parent who is concerned about this, and you've certainly taken the right step in writing to your state legislators. Other divorced parents should do the same, in hopes of getting a mandate (and, one would hope, some funding) to get schools to change their computer systems.